Go get your glitter ball and the fluffy dice it’s time to kit out your auto in the tackiest dcor conceivable. Nothing is tackier than fluffy dice even though they are a retro item and some now consider them cool.
A glitter ball hanging from your rear mirror comes next in the tackiness league, just behind the fluffy dice. Try not to get too distracted by either of them when you are driving because they have caused many an accident. Add a pine air freshener tree for optimum effect and if you have space a gyrating Elvis (there is always space for a gyrating Elvis).
Pink, Pink, Pink that’s right, if you’ve got the confidence, spray paint your car pink, but if you haven’t, then accessorise it in pink. Even the chaps are doing it now getting in touch with their feminine side. Next on the list of tacky colours is ‘ASBO yellow’, very popular on some UK housing estates.
Car seat covers can make a car look really tacky. We’re thinking Winnie the Pooh, but zebra print works or even worse seat covers with the names of you and your beau embroidered in flower shaped letters.
Steering wheels look tacky full stop. However if you have to have one it’s got to be pink or animal print or if you can find one leather with gold embossed letters spelling out ‘Born To Ride’. Any less flash steering wheel cover won’t only appear tacky it will also look like you are driving your Granddad’s car.
Sharon and Craig or Paco and Marie stickers are good if tacky is what you’re after. Any mixture of names looks tacky and it doesn’t matter which country in the world you live in this is still considered the height of tackiness. But if you would like to be ironic go for the Sharon and Craig mix even though your names are Jack and Emma.
Remember tacky isn’t cool, well okay, it might be, that’s where irony comes into it but in order to be ironic you’ve got to really mean it. So go overboard. Kit your car out in all of the above and then add flames on the car doors. Actually cool and ironic might not be the words we’re looking for here….. slightly mental might be more appropriate!
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